CHAPTER 20   INDIRA’S DOUBT

The next three weeks for Ilango and Arulrasa were spent in the company of Henry. Haribabu kept his word and arranged a roadside shop for them at the junction of Christopher street and Fourth Street West. Haribabu, his wife and Henry were all looking after their business, as usual

The nickname given by the pair to Haribabu was ‘Nadutheru Narayanan!’ meaning ‘Lord of the Road!’

This Lord of the Road had in fact come from the shop to the street. His shop had all his commodities for sale. This Lord of the Road was indeed an expert hand, knowing all the twists and turns of roadside business and knowing the tips and strategies to make it work like the back of his hand. At times, he revealed his exceptional skills in escaping from the ever-vigilant eyes of the New York Police. Indeed, there was a lot to be learnt from him. This was the impression Ilango could gain about Haribabu. Sometimes, during weekends when there were closures of several city streets, they would allow the roadside shopkeepers to have their sales there. During such times, in order to get a coveted spot there and do business, the traders had to shell out huge sums of money to the Corporation. At these times, the action-plan of ‘Nadutheru Narayanan’ would be as follows: Say Street A is running east-west. And, say another street B cuts across A and stretches. Further, have it that Street A is closed that day and it is allowed by the Corporation to conduct trade and business in the said street. It is to sell your products in that street that the traders have to pay a huge sum as fee to the Corporation. It is not to do business in Street B. But, whenever Haribabu gets such an opportunity he would be all too joyous. For, during such times he would make it a point to spread his shop somewhere near the meeting point of Street A and Street B. All this was done in hopes of having at least a few of those who come to buy things on Street A would glance at his shop on Street B and buy some things. He’s done well to think this plan would work; it does. He felt satisfied knowing that he did not lose and could only pretty much gain.

Sometimes, however, times were not good.

There were actually several occasions when there were tickets issued to him by the Police for illegally making roadside sales. During those three weeks, on a Sunday, Haribabu who spread his roadside shop according to the aforementioned scheme, sought the help of Ilango. Since it was a Sunday afternoon, Arulrasa didn’t feel like working so Ilango had agreed to go solo for Haribabu. Since “Nadutheru Narayanan’ had some other important work to be done on that day too, Ilango and Haribabu’s wife, Indira, were given the responsibility of looking after the business for the day. Ilango felt a bit apprehensive in conducting such an illegal sales operation and Indira proved to be a pitiable sight. He even felt a little enraged at Haribabu for leaving her like this, to fend for herself. He asked her, “Don’t you feel afraid of standing here on the roadside?”

She smiled and answered, “In the beginning I was afraid only. But, as days passed the fear is absolutely gone. As we become more and more familiar with something we feel more and more at ease with it, isn’t it so? It is all the same.”

“Do you honestly mean that? Suppose a policeman comes here and asks for the documents permitting you to sell your products here… what would you do?”

“For that, too, he has taught me a good strategy.”

“And, what is that?”

”If someone comes and asks me, I will tell that I have nothing to do with it.”

“How can that be possible? Standing right here how can you say so?”

“That’s also quite easy. I will tell them that I have come here to buy things and that I am searching for the shopkeeper. And, henceforth this is your responsibility – so I would say and slip away from this spot.”

Her answer surprised Ilango.

“You are indeed some woman. For, I can’t utter such a blatant lie so coolly. Well, if you say so and can slip away, what will happen to these products of yours?”

Indira once again answered with such cool tones, which further increased his astonishment. She said, “They will bundle everything and take them away. That is all.”

Sometimes, in the evening hours, Nadutheru Narayanan would spread his shop in ‘Canal’ street near China Town in a similar fashion. During these occasions, his mind would function in a different manner. For instance, let’s have it that a very famous business house along that street closes by six o’ clock. Only after the business house is closed, with its iron doors tightly shut and safely locked, will our Nadutheru Narayanan open up his roadside shop. If someone asks of his permits, he would say something regarding a “private contract” with the business house allowing him to do business during the off hours. Sometimes his trick would bear fruits. And, if not, he would have to lose his capital. That is all.

Wondering how Nadutheru Narayanan would be making profit in doing business in this fashion and without his voice revealing his suspicion, Ilango asked her the following question, “How is he able to do business in this fashion, losing the capital every now and then and yet continue to be in the field?”

“That’s the reason why my man, who had the capacity to have a shop and do business, can do this job. When he brought me from India, he had already set up  his business on the roadside.”  When Indira finished this, Ilango could sense an obvious sad note in it.

“Did you know him before coming here?” As Ilango spent more time looking after their roadside business with Indira, they learnt more things about each other so that they were able to engage in a friendly dialogue.

So much of a good companionship among the two was tangible that Indira even said, “I consider you as my own brother when I say this. I feel that it is not right on my part to discuss these things with you. Yet, I am not able to keep quiet as I feel the need to share it with somebody. Here, I have become very much isolated and lonely. I have no one to talk to. No relatives, nor friends. Seeing his ‘wanted bride’ advertisement in a local Daily wherein he had declared himself as a businessman, I was instantly caught in the trap. This is the price I had to pay for my greed, it seems. And, when it comes to him, I am really afflicted with doubts that ceaselessly nag me.”

Ilango felt sad for her. Could it be that Haribabu, at a time when his business was sinking, wantonly deceived her into believing him to be a prosperous businessman in order to rope in a huge sum of ‘seedhanam’ (dowry) from her side or was it only after bringing her here as his wife that his business slumped due to unexpected reasons?  “What? Are you doubting his integrity? But, he doesn’t seem to be a scheming person.”

Hearing these words, she remained silent for a while, deep in thought, and then said, “Brother! If only you would promise that you wouldn’t disclose it to anybody, I’ll share a few things with you. I don’t know why, but somehow I feel like trusting you. I sincerely feel that if I can talk to you for a while, I can at least ease my mind off the unbearable burden that keeps gnawing at me, day and night.”

Ilango was taken aback by her trust and vowed, “You can trust me for sure. Please consider me as one of your trustworthy brothers. And, I will not betray your trust in me.”

Indira remained silent for a few moments and then said, “Seeing the way he behaves, I really feel apprehensive about his sanity and sensitivity. I can’t help wondering whether his mind is really a normal one. Otherwise how is he able to indulge in all sorts of malpractices so casually, without any sense of integrity and responsibility? Is he really an ordinary sane person, I wonder…”

As Indira finished those words, Nadutheru Narayanan was returning after finishing the day’s work. Indira threw a quick glance towards Ilango, beseeching him to try to appear normal.

 Chapter 21      BY THE GRACE OF CARLO….

"What my boy! How were the sales? Thanks for helping me today. If you had not come, it would have been very difficult for me!” Haribabu then turned towards his wife and said, “For a while, look after the business by yourself. I need to discuss important business matters with Ilango.  Alone.”

Ilango felt surprised. He was completely shocked by what Haribabu had uttered. Remembering what his wife had said about his mental state just a while ago, a soft smile sprouted on his face. Observing that Haribabu asked, “Why are you laughing? Do you think that I am saying it in a light-hearted vein? Not at all.  I really have to discuss something very important with you. I have been thinking of talking about this to you for the past few days, you know… come, let us go to the tea-shop there and talk over a cup of tea.” As he spoke this, Ilango followed him wondering what weighed heavily upon his mind…

Haribabu went to the counter and bought two cups of tea for them. Sitting next to Ilango, he began the conversation. “Ilango, I should thank you both – yourself and Arulrasa. I would never forget the help you provided to us so far.” Ilango sat there in silence, listening to Haribabu. Haribabu continued, “My business had started declining once again. I don’t have many commodities to sell… thanks to you two, we have somehow sold all those brass sculptures and ornaments, which had been there with us for long. Now, I think that we don’t need any helping hands to sell what little we have. Myself and my wife are enough now. Further, my wife is also going to work in a factory in a few weeks from now. And, Henry is going to start his own business again.”

Ilango could understand what was to come. So, once again he has to start his familiar hunt of jobs. For, here, too, his work was not to continue. The days of sweat and toil in search of some means of livelihood would start all over. He had to try hard, harder, hardest…. As long as he has strong hands and strong legs and a strong heart and as long as the sky exists above the earth, what is there to be afraid of? In this battle for our very existence, we have to fight till the end and see how we fare… yes indeed..

In the end, Haribabu observed, “You can come to work tomorrow, but you only. Your friend need not come. After tomorrow, even you need not come. But, keep in touch, won’t you? If I ever need your assistance again, I would call you. And, if you would be available then you can come and help me. Ok?”

Ilango graciously replied,  “Certainly. We will always be ready to help you. We will never forget your timely help in one of the most crucial periods of our lives. Though we could work with you only for a short period, your timely help is worth a million and more. In our literature there is a poignant verse on this, you know. ‘Though a small one, timely help is invaluable,’ says our poet parexcellence, Thiruvalluvar.
The way Ilango expressed his gratitude in such a profound manner touched Haribabu’s heart a little. And, he said, “Your situation makes me feel so concerned. I will always pray for your welfare and for your country to get back to normalcy so that you can go back and live with your relatives once again. Though you thank me so magnanimously, in truth, what your poet had said proves to be more apt to your timely help to me. The way both of you have helped me in times of need - I will never forget it.” Then, he paused for a moment.

“Please continue Haribabu”, said Ilango and waited for his response. Haribabu continued, “If you want, you can stay in our shop free of cost, till you get a job. I have no objection at all. There are just those products for sale. That’s all. But…”

“But?”

“But, there is no bathroom facility there. Just a toilet … you can wash your face. If you want to take bath you can come to my place and have one. What do you say?”

Ilango liked the suggestion made by Haribabu but reported, “At present, we don’t have a boarding and lodging problem. But, everything depends on getting a job. Still, I will discuss with Arulrasa and give you my reply. Your words reveal your good-heartedness. Thank you Haribabu. Though taking baths would be a problem, offering your place for baths is very kind. Thank you.”

That evening, when Ilango was returning home after thanking Haribabu and his wife Indira, his attention was drawn towards a textile shop of an Italian selling leather clothes along Christopher Street. To be more precise, it was the advertisement stuck on the glass window that caught his attention. It read,  ‘We need sales representatives to distribute our advertisement – pamphlets and things like that in the surrounding areas for at least three hours a day. Interested persons may apply immediately.’ No wonder, it gave Ilango immense joy to read those words. He went inside without haste. The owner of the shop, the Italian who was watching him reading the advertisement, approached him asking, “Can I help you, my friend?”

“Yes,” said Ilango and asked, “Are you the owner of this shop?”

“Ah, yes-you got it correctly, my friend,” said the Italian and continued, “ I am the owner of this shop. My name is Carlo. Why do you blink so? Carlo is indeed my name. Well, what is your name?”

Ilango felt quite surprised to hear the way the Italian spoke.  He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help remembering Haribabu at that moment.
“My name is Ilango. I am also searching for a part-time or full-time job. In fact, we are searching.”

Carlo was understandably confused. “We… we means, who is the other one?”

“He is my friend. Both of us are on the look out for some suitable job.  You have mentioned in this advertisement that you need sales representative to distribute your advertisements, pamphlets and all. I would like to know more about this job.”

“Well, do you have previous experience in the field?”

“No, but, I assure you that I will give my maximum and give the best results.”

His reply and the way he so genuinely spoke, with hope, confidence and eagerness impressed the Italian. Therefore, the words which came out of him next, proved to be positive. “To tell you the truth, I need such sincere and enterprising employees like you. For a period of minimum three weeks, I would be in need of your help and assistance in this. If you and your friend are willing, you can help me in this. In the two lanes that we choose for you, each of you can distribute our advertisements, each in one lane, for a minimum of three hours from Monday till Saturday. That’s all. We will give you four dollars per hour. If you wish to take up this job, you and your friend can start doing the work from tomorrow onwards. There is no need to give me a reply right now. Go home and discuss it with your friend. If you both agree to do this, come by tomorrow to start, ok?”

Ilango felt that the saying ’If one door closes another one opens’ was indeed so profoundly true. He couldn’t believe his luck. 72 dollars per week. Enough for rent and enough food. It appeared that they could live on for some more time, by the grace of this Italian.

 CHAPTER 22: AN APPEAL TO THE GODDESS OF FREEDOM!

When Ilango told Arulrasa that their work with Haribabu had come to an end, the latter was not surprised at all. “I have expected this for a while. But, he has kept us with him all these days and paid us too, for which we should applaud him and be grateful to him,” he admitted. When Ilango told him about the job that he got them in Carlo’s textile shop – that of distributing the advertisement pamphlets Arulrasa observed, “In a way, this is also good.”

“How do you say so?”

“Our work with Carlo will be for a few hours in the evening only, no? That means we will have a lot of free time in a day, for searching for a good job. And also, we can have time to do our immigration work also. What do you say?”

Those were good points. “In a way, what you say is true. Everything is for good – let’s hope so. We should go searching for jobs during the day time.. shouldn’t waste away our free time, gulping whisky and rolling on the bed. In this matter, you should have a firm control over yourself. Understand?”

“Of course, can’t afford to waste time. We should somehow find a permanent job.”

“Otherwise, we can’t hope to save even a penny. See now, everyday is spent in our struggle to make both ends meet… no entertainment, relaxation – nothing. Occasionally we have some kind of party where we have drinks. That’s all...”

“What to do Ilango – my friend? Everything is because of these immigration fellows and their rules and regulations and what not…”
If only they had issued us the ‘Social Insurance Card,’ our employment problem would have been solved by now…our Time is such….”
That night, after all the others had plunged into sleep, Ilango couldn’t doze off. And, just as what he would always do at times like these, he picked up his diary and Bharathiar’s poem-collection, taking care not to disturb those who were deep in sleep.  Without making any noise, he went to the dining hall. For a while he concentrated on reading several poignant verses of Bharathiar. For him, all through his life, whenever he was feeling low and anxious, he would find solace in books. Especially when he reads the touching poems of Bharathiar, he would become doubly re-energized and filled with hope and confidence, vanquishing all the dull and gloom! The heaviness of his heart lessened with each line. His heart began to experience the fluttering of bright and joyous feelings, turning stronger and more resolute. Then, picking up his diary, he began to write. His diary had been of great help to him in many ways. It had a complete understanding of his mind, his anxieties and aspirations. Acting as a ‘sumaithangi’ where he could unload himself, it was also a powerful resource for planning his future, an all-time companion to share his most intimate feelings and moments of life. Before penning anything down, he spent some time perusing through previous thoughts. And then, he began to write.

“Six months ago today, we left our home in Sri Lanka. The first three months on this land were spent inside the detention camp. The next three months were being spent in a constant struggle for survival, like a dry leaf swirling, thrown away into the wind, unable to choose its own direction or destination. No time at all to stop and stare. No mood nor inclination to enjoy the sight of the splendid sky, the queen of night – Moon, the glow of the Sun, the myriad of hues and shades and their magical permutations and combinations of the twilight horizon.  Nothing at all to observe and appreciate; enjoy and get enriched. So pressing is our struggle for survival. Somehow, I should put an end to this sort of suffocation. I shouldn’t allow my life to drift along in this useless and meaningless manner. Let bygones be bygones. Henceforth, within the next six months, I should found my life on some stable ground. And, I am taking the vow to do that, here and now. My dear Diary! You stand witness to this pledge of mine.  My people at home do not know all the hardships I face here. Even if I explain these things to them, they wouldn’t be able to understand what has transpired. In this moment, I am able to fully realize the everyday sufferings of the peasants who are on our soil, spending their time with their children and family. Compared to their sufferings, with absolutely no hope for a future, my situation is far better, I should say. But, I can’t expect my people to realize all these things so objectively. As far as they are concerned, their son is living in a paradise on earth. You should see their faces when they say with all smiles, “Our boy is working in America.” Only if they get the chance to come here and see for themselves the sufferings of their boy, only then, will they be able to see what this paradise is.
Ilango’s thoughts soon became immersed in his future plans for the next six months. While writing about them, his heart became more and more hopeful.

“Exactly within six months time from today, I should have my feet firmly planted in this soil. In order to achieve that, I should go and meet the immigration officers and talk to them, calmly explaining my situation to them, and requesting them to help me get my social insurance number. If nothing seems to be working in these six months, it would become unbearable to continue living here. I can’t even imagine such a situation. Without having any legal documents at all, I don’t know what I could do. I can’t even open a bank account! For everything I wish to do, I must seek the help of somebody else; I have to rely on somebody. I should put an end to this miserable condition somehow, as soon as possible. Without any rewards to be seen, it’d be useless to work.  Hence, for six months I will be doing things without expecting the fruits. But, afterwards I will start expecting the rewards. Till then, I would be patiently doing my duty without expecting any results. But, if no fruit comes my way, even after six months, I would never again be working on this soil.  That is for sure.

If the dream that became possible for Abraham Lincoln who studied under the street lights and cutting down the trees for firewood for his survival, is to become possible for me too, first and foremost I should have a place here, just as he had, to stand and stay, at least temporarily. This government should provide that to me. Will it give me one for at least in the next six months? Only now, I am able to understand why the Goddess of Freedom, Sudhandhiradevi, who welcomes her citizens, immigrants and refugees who come here running, as the last resort, stands still, unmoved. A separate law for the sons of the soil and a different one for those who come and settle in your soil. Even among these settlers, there haven been different laws based on race and ethnicity. For those refugees who come, beseeching you to help them, you have different laws upon the water and different ones upon the land. Caught in the web of so many stringent laws, you feel helpless, not being able to help those who come to you for help and guidance, not being able to welcome them with wide-opened hands and guide them with the beacon light of freedom – maybe this helplessness had turned you into a statue….

”Oh, the goddess of Freedom! They say that you preach the pride and glory of Liberty and impart knowledge about cherishing it to the entire world! But, take my case. Think of those many refugees who were denied the fruits of freedom, liberty and equality and have come seeking asylum here from different directions of the world.  Those who are languishing in these detention camps, day after day, with unfulfilled dreams and aspirations, despairs and disappointments, longing to be free and to lead a life of dignity… Before you begin to preach Freedom and Liberty to the entire world, please ponder over this query… why should those who have come seeking shelter here, be subjected to such a pitiable state of affairs? As far as I am concerned, I am not one who has stealthily or illegally entered into your territory. I am one who was heading towards another land with proper documents but sadly, as the plane lands here, forcing us out, we had to contend with these new regulations. Now we languish here on this soil. And, ignoring the fact that I am one who had entered into your territory with legally permissible and proper documents, I was detained here as an illegal immigrant and confined in the detention camp.  This had taken place under your nose, in this very same soil where you stand there, preaching the pride and glory of Freedom and Liberty…Oh, my goddess of Liberty…!

Thus, Ilango poured out all the things weighing heavily in his heart into the pages of his diary, which always proved to be a good pal. Only afterwards did some hope sprout in his mind, and so he wrote:

“Oh, Goddess of Liberty! Though the freedom and liberty which you preach and claim to stand for are denied for people like me, yet I hail you and praise your glory. For, I know the value of Freedom and Liberty. Therefore I hail you! Throughout the day – morning and night, in sun and in rain, you stand here all alone, highlighting the significance of Freedom and Liberty to the entire world – I salute you for this great sacrifice! I can understand what you are trying to say: “Don’t lose heart, whatever sorrows and sufferings afflict you and try to overpower you still fight for Freedom and Liberty! Fight for your Liberty as well as that of the entire world!”  I can understand it! Oh, the Goddess of Freedom and Liberty! Hail thee!”

What a sense of hope! Relishing in that feeling, Ilango opened the poem-collection of Bharathiar:

No Fear, No Fear, No, no fear at all!
Though the entire world is against you _
No Fear, No Fear, No, no fear at all!
Though they think of you as insignificant and abuse us
No Fear, No Fear, No, no fear at all!
Though we have to lead a life of begging
No Fear, No Fear, No, no fear at all!
Though all our belongings close to our heart are lost
No Fear, No Fear, No, no fear at all!
Even if the sky is crashing down on our head
No Fear, No Fear, No, no fear at all!

After that, he came back to the room where his friends were still deep in sleep and slowly stretched himself onto his bed. He was soon embraced by Nithraadevi, the angel of sleep. Before seeking shelter in her warm embrace, he pledged to himself the following: “Just for another six months only. If nothing takes off by then, I should leave this soil, undertaking another travel.” As he lay there feeling light because of the new resolve, the angel of sleep hugged him whole-heartedly. 

[To be continued]

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